I feel relief. I feel pressure. I feel happiness and I feel anxiety. But most of all I feel curious.
As I am writing this I am getting ready to visit Iceland for the 4th time. All within a one and a half years time frame. There is no other place that I have felt as much fascination for as I do for this country in the arctic circle. I could easily explain this with how many places there are that are fantastic locations for a landscape photographer. It comes as no surprise that Iceland has remained as THE hotspot for international photographers who like to photograph landscapes. But for me there is another thing way more important: I feel at absolute peace when I am there.
Every Iceland trip left me amazed but also with unfinished business. Every time I ended up with days when weather did not allow photographing what I wanted, leaving me somewhat disappointed. Just to treat me with complete unexpected beauty I did not imagine possible some hours or several kilometers later. So joy and the want for more were intensive feelings every time I flew back home with. But most of all I had the feeling that I found peace. Not only the peace of feeling absolutely safe and without having to worry about crime, but much more the peace of soul.
In Iceland there is something about the necessary many hours of driving, with my eyes zooming out into the often times vast landscape, that calms me down and soothes me. It is also because of being by myself with only very few people around. It feels like I am finding balance within when being there. Alone. Outside. In nature.
This time my trip comes at a much needed time. As for anyone on this planet, 2020 has been a year with huge challenges, to put it mildly. I am lucky as I and my close ones have stayed healthy throughout this Covid crisis. So I do not have anything to complain about. Yet, since starting to photograph in 2016 I have never had such an extended time of hardly even photographing and not traveling anywhere. Again, this is nothing compared to the many, many people who have been ill, who died because of the virus, who lost loved ones or lost jobs and business. I feel for all of you. And honestly I do not feel easy about traveling at all in this year. I have stayed home when it was asked for, I follow the rules and wear my mask every time. But I feel so relieved to finally being able to travel and spend some time solely focused on photography and art again. To find that peace of mind when so much around us seems to go so crazy.
It comes at a time where I personally feel that I just need to be creative behind the camera again. For the simple fact that it is of such vital importance for me to, …well, be creative. But it also comes at a time where I feel I am at a crossroad artistically. I feel that something is changing, although I cannot even clearly articulate what change this is or where it will lead me to. It is as if I am maturing with what I am trying to express with my images. And then it feels as if I am only starting to get an ‘artistic voice’, or a more shaped vision of what I want to do. The next moment I have no clue at all. I try to convince myself that this is just normal evolution.
I am curious on what is next. It makes me excited about what my come. But it also makes me anxious of what it even may be where I am heading towards. Just a dead end? A road that will make me be frustrated with what I come up with in the end? That will not meet my (not even articulated or defined) own expectations, or what I feel others might expect from me? A culmination of the hours I have experienced, especially this year, when I look at my old work and sometimes think “how could I ever make this crap public?”, when I pulled some sliders inside Lightroom and Photoshop just to let the image file go again, without ever finishing it? Or a step forward in what I feel is the right direction into more meaningful, personal and expressive images that are more unique? ...or maybe just a fun time and a great experience without expectation in one of my favorite places in the world. I focus on the latter, because in the end it is about being happy, isn’t it?
the highlands of Iceland offer endless possibilities for photography
As with most trips that solely focus on photography I have made a plan or schedule for me and my travel partner Mikkel Beiter on what locations we could visit and what times might be good for it. I like this kind of planning. It is stirring my excitement for a trip when I dig into the internet trying to find locations that are new and interesting to me. I read books, blogs and study all kinds of maps to put together such a plan. But something has definitely changed for me: I do not find myself pre-visualizing and expecting as much as in the past. In fact, I do not really have a specific image in mind that I desperately want or need. And I feel this is a good thing because it leaves me open to let the landscape speaking to me, have me adapt to the conditions (which can change dramatically in Iceland from one minute to another) and simply see what I can get. This searching and wandering around with open eyes is the true fun in nature. Trying to chase images I think I should get, and that have mostly been taken from others before, doesn’t do it for me. Not anymore. This makes me end up having this plan for the tour as a mere collection of areas where I think I will be able to find something. If I really will? I will soon find out.
Intimate landscape images offer a deeper look into the essence of a place. Photographing by excluding the sky makes the subject stand out more and get a sense of abstraction or mystery, which is something that I quite like.
Having gone through my old images over and over this year, for obvious reasons, I have come to realize that I find more excitement for the intimate and often more quiet scenes than I did in the past. This change of what I favor certainly has not come over night. In fact one year ago, on my second trip to Iceland I had already been focusing on taking more images without including skies. That made me focus more on the real subject of my image and made me less sky and condition dependent. And the great flight across Iceland and the many aerial images I did take had already been pushing my photography towards a more artistic approach. In hindsight these probably were the first signs that something in me was calling for a change, a new direction in my photography.
I still find many images in my Lightroom catalog that I haven’t shared, yet, that show more famous locations, even in great conditions, that would probably do very well on social media and which might be considered as “bangers”. But I just do not feel the same excitement for them as I do for images that make me feel like ‘the place spoke to me and I framed something that only I did see’. I am not saying this or that is any better, all I can say is this or that feels better to me.
I am very curious on what I will experience this time.
I had thought long about whether I should even write this blog post. A rambling on thoughts in my head, well unorganized. And what sense does it make really to write this when I do not even really know where I am heading towards? When I only have a gut feeling about what might be coming next. But then again I feel it is the right time, because it just feels right and I feel excitement and a strong “yes, I will do this” in me. So in the end maybe I just write this for myself. For the moment to read this in retrospect when I might judge “boy, you were so off and so wrong”, although it much rather feels like “man, it is good you headed that way” this very moment.
I have read lots of articles and books about creativity and have reflected what being creative means to me on a very personal level. And I have come to the conclusion that it is essential to me. Period. Even if I stopped sharing my work and no one would ever see one of my images again, I would continue being creative. Because it is joy for me and the main spirit of life. And I enjoy traveling this road of creating art and trying things to the fullest.
I hope my aching back won’t fail on me during the upcoming tour and I hope that my stomach will stay stable troughout the trip. Honestly, I feel a bit uneasy traveling this time. But then again I am just a happy kid who cannot wait to feel the Icelandic breeze again and get some time to breathe. Bring it on.