"what does photography mean to you?"

This question was sent in from Kristin Weinhold. And she showed great timing with it, because shortly before receiving “what does photography mean to you?”, I had started writing on “why do you photograph?” for a book that I am working on. So maybe one day you will see my ideas and answers to this question in a book. …maybe with slightly shifted focus and a bit more elaborated than this blog post, but well, here is my answer for now.

“Why do you photograph?” I got asked in an interview. I don’t remember if I answered with these exact words, but my reply is: “Because I have to!”.

Asking why I do this surely was not a question I asked myself when I first picked up a camera. I did not ask myself WHY I did it, I just DID. If I remember correctly the first time I did photograph something was on a trip with some school mates during summer break. We took our ‘summer-holidays-cheap-train-tickets‘ and headed up north to the coast to visit a town called Cuxhaven. Everything felt exciting and the world was wide open. We giggled and had fun. I was 14 years old or so and the 1980’s came to an end. I knew how to place a film into my small analog camera. And I knew that I had to press a button in order to release the shutter. Why did I photograph? Because those days were thrilling and new, and I did want to bring some of that home with me. I don’t even remember any of those images I took. They were probably all crap. But I still have some fond memories of these days in my head. Photography was none of my teenage concerns in a world full of things to explore.

image taken by my friend Rene Algesheimer after concluding our final shoot during our trip to the coast of Northern Spain, 2022

Fast forward to the year 2000. Or maybe it was 2001, I am not sure. I remember why I did buy my first digital camera. A Minolta Dimage. A camera so small I could easily slide it into the pocket of my jeans. Smaller than my iPhone now, really. My best friend and bandmate Christoph had recommended that camera to me. He was studying graphic design and was my go to guy for these questions. I was keen to not only document moments during my travels, but also be creative with images here and there. I remember that black and white and sepia mode were my favorites back then. Taking images, erase and take new ones felt so easy and fun. And every street scene or smaller detail I photographed seemed to convey some mood, some sense of melancholy. As if they were cover shots for the lyrics that I did write for my band back then.

Yet, still I did not question myself: why do I photograph? It was intuitive. And it was a mere side activity. My main creative interest was into music and my band. When I developed vocal lines and wrote lyrics, I did have images in my mind. Not distinct ones and not ones I had taken with my camera. Instead rather abstract and vague. It probably had to do that my musical upbringing was heavily influenced by music videos of the 80s and 90s. MTV and Viva were on my TV every day. So again, visualizing my own music was absolutely natural. And whatever these images in my mind were, they were giving my ideas direction and a sense, or more: a feeling.

I started to spend time on the computer not only with playing games (do not ask me how many hours of my life I dedicated to the NHL series on consoles and on PC) and writing but also to learn some very, very basic photo editing inside Lightroom and some minor tweaking inside Photoshop. Taking photos was still a fun activity, but just one of the many things that I considered being a hobby.

In 2008 life changed and got a new purpose. My son was born. And the proud father that I was (and still am), I bought my first DSLR: the Olympus E5 with two kit lenses. I realized, I needed to capture these moments because time is fleeting and that baby boy was growing up so fast. So I took photo after photo of him. I played with different camera settings and made the images look like real portraits. At least that’s what they looked to me. And since I had a camera with exchangeable lenses, I now was ‘the photographer’ in the family. Why did I photograph? Again, I just did it. It was fun and I got some results to serve as keepers for the family.

YouTube was not yet a thing. So the little I did know about photographing and editing came from one or two books and a handful of magazines I owned. Every autumn I sat down and started a photo book which documented the past year of my son and my daughter, who was born in 2010. Always having a strict deadline in sight: Christmas. Photographing was still one of the several hobbies I had. A fun one that had the power to make other people happy, too. And with the yearly deadline approaching it was also the first time that I felt a sense of ‘I need to get this done in time’ in order to deliver a photo book to give to the family on Christmas.

why so serious? Self portrait, 2022

But years later life got rough and photography was none of my concerns anymore at all. Everyone who has ever gone through a period in life that is headlined by the word ‘divorce’ knows what I am talking about. In 2016, when I decided that I needed to get back on my feet again, I accepted an offer to work on a project (with frequent business travels all over Germany included) for one year. It kept me extremely busy and I did not have much time off work. Which was good during that period. In my rare free time in Spring 2016 I went and got myself a new camera. The Sony a6000. I remember on one of the first evenings with that camera I went into the city of my hometown Hanover at night and photographed. Without goal, without concept. Simply enjoying what I was doing. I photographed illuminated buildings, I tried long exposures to capture car trails. And everything felt exciting. I was by myself and loved it.

But that all got eclipsed by standing at the Irish coast near Sligo in May, 2016. My business travels did not stay within the German borders. They also had me fly over to Ireland twice that year. My small camera had become my travel companion. And instead of ending at the hotel bar or watching tv at the end of late working days, I headed out to photograph. In Ireland I was helping as a consultant to implement and approve the first apprenticeship program in the nation’s service industry. After finishing a business meeting on the first evening of the stay in Sligo, I asked my local colleague Jean if she was interested in heading to the nearby coast with me and my camera. I am so incredibly thankful she agreed and drove us both that evening. I had checked for the time of sunset and was curious to see if I could get some photos out in nature. I had no idea that this experience would change my life.

Standing at the rough Irish coast, seeing the waves crash against the rock walls while the wind danced with the grass and spring flowers, was simply jaw droppingly beautiful. I did not only feel the joy of creating but the harmony and peace of my natural surrounding. A contemplative sense of calm and excitement. A mixture that got me hooked and hasn’t let go of me ever since.

I did not question why I do photograph or what photography means to me that moment. Nor did I in the following months when I tried to photograph as much as I can during my free time. In fact all of my free time got dedicated to learning photography. By books, by videos on YouTube and tutorials I bought. And mostly by trying in the field and inside the digital dark room. Step by step I came closer to answer that question of “why?”. Or I should say, the answer found me, because the question still never really posed to me. The months and years since I started with landscape photography, the time spent traveling, but even more so the quiet moments by myself outside in nature gave me a chance to reflect upon myself. And with that the answer presented itself more and more clearly.

On stage with my band Sonic Front. Back in 2002.

I am no psychologist. And I have never analyzed myself much. But I started to understand that being creative lies deep within me. That I simply have to create. Just like I have to breathe. That realization was no surprise to me considering my love and dedication for actively being in my bands (‘Sonic Front’ first and ‘Soon Is Now’ since then) for 30 years. But I became aware that from my early childhood on, from the countless drawings and paintings I did as a kid, to the first clumsy poems written while getting over being lovesick for the first time. With that being a first spark to start writing lyrics for the vocal lines I came up with in my first band. Then singing in rock bands for several decades now. On to also briefly trying to paint with acrylics and getting into making video. And to me picking up a camera and starting to play around with it. It all was and still is a satisfying flow of creating. And it all came with a meaning. With the means to find an outlet for personal expression.

Some years ago I realized that photographing (and I include post processing images into this creative activity) has a different quality to it, than my passion and actions in music. With writing lyrics for my bands and writing songs I soon discovered that I often was at my creative best while feeling miserable. Coping with loss of partners and friends, personal shortcomings or similar heartache. Desperation made for digging deeper. Literally pouring my heart out. With photography it was and is different: there while being at absolute peace, I can create visual work that seems to be the most personal and most satisfying to me.

I have come to describe these two main creative outlets as my personal Yin and Yang. Both keeping me level and keeping me sane. Even whilst balancing on the edge of my soundness at times in order to create. Reflecting upon this, I know that being creative was and is of vital importance for me. Again, nothing new to me, because I had known this ever since I escaped teen hood. But being aware of this always makes me come back to play with my band, write lyrics or take and edit photographs and enjoy it as a deliberate activity. A creative needs to create. That is true.

A good question is “why bother you with this and show my work to the public and not keep it all to myself”? Or in other words: would I still create if nobody ever saw any of my creations? The straight and clear answer is: absolutely! Not a single doubt. The work I have shown to people is just a fraction of what I have created so far. Yet, I admit that I like the stage from time to time, and I like to share my work with people and see if they can relate. Getting the response that some people actually do just that and get something out of it, or be inspired themselves, is encouraging. I know how much I take away from art and artists that I like. How enriching this is for me. Being able to give something back with my work is satisfying. But for sure, even if there was no response at all, I would still create. I have to. In the end my work does have to satisfy me first and foremost.

So what does photography mean to me? It is a balancing and healthy creative outlet for me. It is something I love doing on my creative journey. And photography has an ever shifting focus. Like every new image requires a newly set focus, the answer to what photography means to me slightly gets a new focus every now and then. Pure joy. Harmony. Escape. Healing. The need to have content. The need to earn money with it. Curiosity. Desperation. Deadline. Fun. Relaxation. Memory. This list goes on and on.

The fact that its focus shifts naturally provides ease. No, don’t get me wrong, my photos don’t always come easy. But in most instances they come intuitively and they come out of a natural want to create. And that is a good thing. In another interview I once said “it is my big equalizer in a noisy and busy world”. It is that. And it is more. It is something that I love. And it is also just: me.