Learning is fun, right? But in order to learn things and to evolve we got to try things. Even when failing. Even when staring at the computer and seeing your own images thinking “this is all crap!”. That’s the not so fun part about learning. But well, haven’t we all been there before?
In January 2020 I was invited to join a meeting and hold a speech in front of a photo community in Germany´s Elbsandsteingebirge, Saxon Switzerland. (Thank you to Philipp Zieger) Instead of revisiting some of my favorite images and memories of 2019 I decided to talk about a morning I had hit a brick wall and learned to forget about my pre-visualizations and overcome frustration in the field.
“I took a few deep breaths and finally started to enjoy the beauty that surrounded me. Dropping the ‘i want that photo’ mentality which had increasingly frustrated me.”
It was last September when I drove into the heather fields of Lüneburger Heide, Germany, to photograph sunrise. I left at about 4 a.m. in the morning to drive 90 minutes and then hike for another 45 to 60 minutes to get to an area to photograph. I had visited the lovely area of Wilseder Berg before but did not have a properly scouted area in mind when I walked through the dark with my headlamp on. The sky slowly picked up light and dawn showed its first promising colors. I arrived on the supposed location in late blue hour and started searching for a composition. I had envisioned, or better: I had hoped for low fog in an area I had photographed before. Images of sun rays with light breaking through trees with the blooming heather as a foreground danced in my head. But the area I had in mind didn't look interesting to me at all once I was there. So I kept searching and telling myself to keep the excitement and expectations low. But sometimes your emotions and ambitions develop their own life.
The closest I got to what I had envisioned for this morning. (just a raw edit, not finished version). Not feeling the excitement for this image though.
Blue hour faded into golden hour and I slowly felt a first wave of frustration coming. I had pre-visioned that photographing blue hour would probably be the best time to capture the pink heather bloom against an early blue sky with some magenta in it. I realized that my chance of having the most harmonious color in an image was gone. I cursed myself for not having scouted better before. Doubts came in: Should I have stopped at a half decent spot on the way here to capture the nice colors at least? I tried to swallow that ugly pill of being at the wrong spot at the right time. I knew before, didn’t I? And who was to blame but me coming over here poorly prepared, yet hoping for Grandezza?! I felt a bit unrelaxed. To say the least.
Here are some ok shots from that morning. I was just hoping for better. But something always was in the way and distracted me. (just raw-edits, not finished images - flaws included)
When I saw an area in a valley with low hanging fog, the positivity and excitement came back. I decided to walk into the valley and headed off. Walking fast. Because sunrise was just a few minutes away. When arriving inside the fog covered area I franticly started searching for a composition: subject, foreground, middle ground, balanced scene, place for the sun to enter the frame and light up the fog. I walked back and forth. Always looking to the sides while taking good care to stay on the walking trail of this nature protected area. But nada. Nothing. I got carried away and acted stupidly. And I was aware of it which made matters worse.
I mean it was all there: everything looked beautiful, still I didn’t feel THE SHOT. I got nervous and frustrated. It is one thing to not see your shot because conditions do not apply as hoped. We all know these days when it’s not there for you to hold and capture. But it is a different story when conditions are awesome and all you are left with is the realization that you do fail. Fail big time. No ‘ah, the sky is dull’ or ‘the light isn’t right’ to blame. Nothing to blame but yourself. I was fully aware of that. I knew the good light wouldn’t last long. And felt more unrelaxed. Which is actually understating my mood back then.
I left the beautiful heather field and took a few steps into a nearby forest. Looked around. Went back out. The sun rose and slowly climbed above the distant tree line. It looked beautiful how soft orange light bathed everything. Yet, I didn't see the image I wanted. I took a few images. All rather half heartedly. Desperation shots. Knowing that the window of time and light was slowly closing. I got mad. And realizing I got mad got me even more mad. What was I thinking? What fool was I to be witnessing such a beautiful and great moment and all I cared about was how it would look through a viewfinder? Looking back at it: It was ridiculous.
That is all I go this morning. My Lightroom gallery from the shooting. Not judging quantity of a shoot over quality, but I usually have more on my sd-card when returning.
That was the moment when something clicked. I stopped moving. Closed my eyes. I took a few deep breaths, looked into the sun and smiled. I felt the warmth of the rising morning sun and took this moment to literally feel the environment. I sort of came to senses. “No, you don’t need this image. You don’t need any image. You don’t need anything. You got thousands of images on your hard drive waiting to be edited. Why even bother adding another one?”. I started to embrace this beautiful moment. I started to enjoy. Enjoy the mere being at a wonderful location inside a wonderful and rare moment. I looked around in a significantly slower pace. Eventually I went back into the forest, set up my tripod and took what would later become one of my favorite images of the year (see above).
I stepped back out, took a few more images with the tele lens and felt happy just walking through this area. All the pre-visualizations were gone. All the frustration: gone. Because really, I experienced a beautiful sunrise, a great time in nature. I slowly walked back to the car and had plenty of time to think about this morning and some good lessons learned:
If you pre-visualize an image, come prepared. Have the location properly scouted and with plans a, b and c in order to adapt to the conditions. And come early. Set the morning alarm earlier than you think you should.
Do not over pre-visualize or get too caught in expectations. Embrace the situation of being on location and be open to see and feel the environment. Use all of your senses and try to display these facets in your image.
Prepare for frustration and let things happen. Be willing to fail and return from a shoot without image. If all fails, break it down: The least you will have to show for is being outside in nature, which is always a good thing. And when you want to create and capture something great, let greatness happen. And even if it doesn't , be happy that you tried.
Enjoy the road more than the destination. Landscape photography is not about the final image but about getting there. The experience, the search, the dedication, the joy and the frustration, the effort and the love for nature. Even if I don’t have a photo to show for I will have memories and a good reminder for:
The true purpose. Being able to get to these beautiful locations and to witness these vital moments is a bliss in itself and a moment well worth cherishing. Remember all the people who are not able to be where you are right now. Which alone is enough reason to be humble and feel blessed.
So that very morning did leave me with more than just an unexpected image which I consider one of my favorites of 2019. It left me with a wonderful experience in nature, but also with a chance to learn and progress. Does this make me fool-proof and void of being overly ambitious next time? I am afraid not. It had happened before and it will happen again. Because this is just something in my DNA. But it will most likely help feeling easier a bit quicker next time and not only enjoy things more but also be more open to let great things happen. And if they don’t, at least I tried.
One of the two images I liked from this morning. A result of playing around with the tele-lens. And far from what I had pre-visualized.
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